I'm stoked on gravity,

Today, I watched 18yr old boys stand tall with their right palms up, reciting their Oath of Allegiance to the Republic of Singapore as fresh enlistees.

As a girl, knowing that I have never and will probably not have a chance to recite the Oath of Citizenship (which I only just realised exists), it got me wondering: What does it mean for me, an 18yr old, to be Singaporean?

All the debate and furore, the constant self-examining articles in the Straits Times, even the endless GP discussions in school. All I know is that in the future, where ever I decide to work live and play, I will never give up my citizenship. In fact, I must say I am rather proud being identified as a Singaporean.

So I wonder why. What does being Singaporean mean to me?

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1. Played Soccer the other day @ RJC. Ok so now my fitness is horrible, I've forgotten how it feels like to jog sprint jog sprint jog sprint. Maybe I should be doing circuits instead of running at a constant steady pace.

2. Andrew Bird was good. It's what I call comfort music. Smooth, with a hint of blues and jazz that it glides past.

3. I can't get over the whole The Killers cancelling their gig. I was so pumped - I planned my outfit 4 days in advance! Grah, even Muse is not much consolation.

4. After a whole day at the hospital, comfort is Dreyer's Original Rocky Road ice cream (though I still want my Daily Scoop waffles+icecream!).

5. Praise God for his blessings, for softening my Dad's heart :D

6. I love my uniqlo jeans. They're the only pair I'll wear for someone who hates jeans.

7. I teared during the last episode of RenovAID. This is seriously the best concept and best show that mediacorp has come up with. Two thumbs up!! :D

I have backlog of events to blog about, including Andrew Bird. 

Story of Stuff

Today, I learnt: "A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own." (Thomas Mann)

The image of what I saw today will stay with me. To lose your soulmate is probably the cruellest thing that can happen, knowing that in a way, you're facing the world alone.

It really doesn't strike until you see for yourself, and then it knocks you breathless and you're in disbelief all over again. Maybe it's a delayed reaction, but whatever it is, it's hard to know that there'll be one less familiar face when I step into RGS.

But Ms Low will always be in our loving memory.

I hope this isn't going to be seen as a controversial post or anything.

What do you do when a teacher you admired suddenly and unexpectedly falls into a coma and passes away?

The same teacher who started out in the teaching service as your form teacher for 2 years, your leadership board teacher ic for 2 years (and you were the vice-chairperson) and your overseas service learning teacher ic for 1 year. When you've worked and interacted with her so much more intimately than most of her students, when you've always looked up to her and confided personal things to her.

What are you supposed to feel besides complete shock? When you remember that just last friday you met her, she hugged you and told you "I wish you all the best, and I know you will go far. Just remember to come back to RG to visit sometimes". I'm just so glad that I saw her and thanked her then.

Life as we all know, is unexpected. But I believe in God, and I definitely believe in Heaven, and belief removes all fear of death. I don't feel sadness, but I feel loss. I will mourn her passing, I will mourn that I've lost a mentor and a friend, I will mourn that she wasn't able to fulfil what she could, and I will pray for her family.

I will pray for her, I will miss her. And everytime I walk into RGS, I will remember her: one of the few teachers who were more than just teachers, who left an indelible mark on my life.

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xinying. says: (PM 09:01:49)
but last time m was saying

xinying. says: (PM 09:02:06)
guys right, for once in their life they must really beat up someone

xinying. says: (PM 09:02:08)
get into a fight

xinying. says: (PM 09:02:19)
so that their life can be more fulfilled or sthg

"When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on—series polygamy—until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfilment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter."                                  — Tom Robbins

Edited with PIKNIK

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when you've had the perfect assist but mistimed your kick?
and you fall, watching the ball roll harmlessly past the goal.

you get up, but it kills you, knowing that sometime, you'll fall on your butt again. knowing that the pain and disappointment will be just as raw.

but all that matters is how long, how long you take to get up. whether you get up in time to try to score from another assist, or whether you get up only after you've wasted another chance.

so yes, life is a game of time. a one second miscalculation could land you on your butt, but one second could also end up in a goal.

as YH put it, if it's not meant to be, then that should be my strength to press on. I am not going to start this year moping, I am going to start this year making the best out of what I've chosen from the choices God throws at me in life; at least now I know that Cambridge was never in his plans.

It's alright to dream big. I am not self delusional about my strengths and limitations, but I refuse to wallow in self doubt; it can only go downhill from there. And when reality gives a hard knock, at least I know that I have aimed for something far bigger and that I have the best support system one could ever ask for.

I'm Possible

Cambridge would just put me out of my misery now. Nerve-wracking.