I'm stoked on gravity,

This place is pretty much dead. Not sure if it's a temporary thing but I do know I need more inspiration. I've been reading more which is great.

Random things:
1. With A Levels nearly over, I'm more afraid now than before. It's sickening to think that your future path is heavily affected by this ONE test. Doesn't that kind of defeat the whole purpose of the education system? (Ah well, we already know the education system is flawed so to those gunning for a teaching scholarship - hope you do something about it). Everytime I think about the tests I've sat for, there's this sickening feeling of dread at the bottom of my stomach.

Of all my fears, what I fear the most is mediocrity. I honestly rather fail 3 out of my 4 subjects and retake A levels again than to score AABB/ABBB. Mediocrity is neither here nor there, and that's what scares me the most. This almost sounds elitist, but it's not. My fears do not stem from an elitist point of view, but rather a dose of self doubt and questioning of my ability. Most people I talk to (or have talked to) would dismiss these fears and assure me that I would probably score many As. If you've never been someone who consistently scores As and Bs for all your subjects in school (esp in RJC), you will never feel that assurance, that certainty that you will do well at the A levels.

I only know I have one thing to hold on to.

2. I'm constantly amazed by project runway. It seems so amazing to me that clothes can be made our of such random things. Newspaper?? Deconstructed wedding dress? WOW

1. The difference between "successful" people and "unsuccessful" people, is their drive.

And as much as there are smart, intelligent "successful" people, there are just as many less eloquent, slightly 'rough round the edges', less intellectual people who are "successful".

People who want to succeed, succeed eventually (because they won't accept anything less). Hasn't that always been the basis of so many quotes from successful people?

So many things to express on this and academic elitism in Spore - till next time, or I might never post publicly.

2. Too many things in my head to write this down properly, might be the meds. Falling sick a day before the start of the A Levels is not a great feeling. The throat's really killing me and the freezing temperatures in the exam hall doesn't help one bit.

Though I think that sitting for 3 papers in a day is a feat that deserves to be applauded (hence time "taken off" to post this). I do feel quiet satisfaction for my essay and Bio was surprisingly straightforward (though I'm not sure if that's a good thing)

When I stop to contemplate how this exam will potentially determine my future, never have I felt such insecurity after each paper.

Such thoughts will be banished before the next paper, but for now, my still tingling fingers need a break (after 5 hours of non stop writing).

Side note: There's an amazing number of boosters/medication needed for travel to Sri Lanka - Hep A, Tetanus, Typhoid, Polio, Meningitis, Malaria. Thank goodness we were all vaccinated for Polio and Typhoid in primary school, so I only need 3 jabs and anti-malarials.

Good news came today, great news actually.

Lord give me strength.

I've watched one episode of Little Britain and I WILL NOT WATCH ANY MORE EPISODES!!!! I cannot be distracted!!! (like House and Promos) No no no, will not be distracted (I blame you XT!). I want to watch 500 Days of Summer, Inglourious Basterds and Notting Hill (Julia Roberts!) ): ):

Today, we watched Rope by Alfred Hitchcock adapted from a play by Patrick Hamilton. And I realise that all a good movie really needs is a good plot, good delivery, intellectual suspense, colourful language (not in the vulgar way), and a premise/social observation that compels thought. None of many green screen special effects, CGI, action packed, sexual, shallow movies that Hollywood churns out nowadays. Furthermore, the movie in itself was considered one pinnacle of cinematography. Rope is one of the more stimulating movies I've seen in a while without exaggerated flamboyance, where the entire movie takes place in one set/scene. But beyond that, the premise is definitely one that I will continue to mull over during the weekend - always a mark of a good movie. I definitely want to watch Strangers on a Train (since I've read the book!) and Vertigo. But Mr A.F. is pure brilliance, I'm just blown away by how intellectually stimulating and knowledgeable he is. Honestly, I've never come across any teacher who is as well-read as he is, and is able to translate that intelligence into his lessons for us students (Mr CC in RGS was more of a fluke during lessons). I'm left in awe.

Today: I saw my J3 eyecandy in school (YJ!), had good company and conversations, bought a pair of heels (yay!), did some Chemistry, convinced my brother to study math and had a good day in school. The weekend is looking up! :D

In so many many ways I'm a loner.

Absolutely, the number of people I will keep in touch with/hang out with after As I can count on 10 fingers. The rest...maybe sometime in the future. Sometimes it upsets me, when I see people in school I was once close to but now stranger to. I've never really been a huge girl gang kinda girl, never had a wild rowdy group of friends, never been the loud life of the party, never been the kind to make people sit up and pay attention, never been the kind to make friends easily.

Guess I get my excitement in other ways (rock climbing, wakeboarding, DIVE DIVE DIVE!!, daydreaming, coffee+reading+music, camps, etc), which I now realise are very individual activities.

It's not that I can't do teamwork, it's not that I'm shy. But beyond the largest social context I'm in (i.e. school), my outside activities revolve around family+close friends.

That sounds scary to me sometimes. Like I've become anti-social.

But I'm still young, there's time to go out there and meet many people who will become close friends over time. My parents' best friends are those they met in university, although they do keep in touch with their Sec/JC friends. And then I remember 2005, I remember the hurt, the bitchiness, the fun loud but superficial relationships I had with people I now realise I barely knew, and I most definitely remember the 3 people who stood by me then and I believe still stand by me now. And I know with such certainty, that I will still choose to be just as I am.

So what am I doing up at 1.30am? This despite having said I probably wouldn't be blogging much in the first place.

ah, the urge to blog has really left me. i daresay not for good, but for a significant time at least.