I'm stoked on gravity,

thank you god.

nobody@vox.com(Andrea Tan Yehua) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:37:23 +0800

Good news came today, great news actually.

Stunned + delight + frustration + stupefied = tumultuous simmering emotions = discomfort

But it's finally sinking in. I should just revel in the moment, panic tomorrow.

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I need strength.

nobody@vox.com(Andrea Tan Yehua) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 22:59:23 +0800

Lord give me strength.

This is one of those times I'm reminded of how blessed I am to be able to believe in God.

I've also recently seen for myself how it would be if I didn't have His support.

So this marks my acceptance, but chin up, I'll get over it. (Since when is anything in life perennial?)

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"Cat and mouse, cat and mouse. But which is the cat and which is the mouse?"

nobody@vox.com(Andrea Tan Yehua) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 23:49:53 +0800

I've watched one episode of Little Britain and I WILL NOT WATCH ANY MORE EPISODES!!!! I cannot be distracted!!! (like House and Promos) No no no, will not be distracted (I blame you XT!). I want to watch 500 Days of Summer, Inglourious Basterds and Notting Hill (Julia Roberts!) ): ):

Today, we watched Rope by Alfred Hitchcock adapted from a play by Patrick Hamilton. And I realise that all a good movie really needs is a good plot, good delivery, intellectual suspense, colourful language (not in the vulgar way), and a premise/social observation that compels thought. None of many green screen special effects, CGI, action packed, sexual, shallow movies that Hollywood churns out nowadays. Furthermore, the movie in itself was considered one pinnacle of cinematography. Rope is one of the more stimulating movies I've seen in a while without exaggerated flamboyance, where the entire movie takes place in one set/scene. But beyond that, the premise is definitely one that I will continue to mull over during the weekend - always a mark of a good movie. I definitely want to watch Strangers on a Train (since I've read the book!) and Vertigo. But Mr A.F. is pure brilliance, I'm just blown away by how intellectually stimulating and knowledgeable he is. Honestly, I've never come across any teacher who is as well-read as he is, and is able to translate that intelligence into his lessons for us students (Mr CC in RGS was more of a fluke during lessons). I'm left in awe.

Today: I saw my J3 eyecandy in school (YJ!), had good company and conversations, bought a pair of heels (yay!), did some Chemistry, convinced my brother to study math and had a good day in school. The weekend is looking up! :D

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sometimes i scare myself.

nobody@vox.com(Andrea Tan Yehua) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:48:34 +0800

In so many many ways I'm a loner.

Absolutely, the number of people I will keep in touch with/hang out with after As I can count on 10 fingers. The rest...maybe sometime in the future. Sometimes it upsets me, when I see people in school I was once close to but now stranger to. I've never really been a huge girl gang kinda girl, never had a wild rowdy group of friends, never been the loud life of the party, never been the kind to make people sit up and pay attention, never been the kind to make friends easily.

Guess I get my excitement in other ways (rock climbing, wakeboarding, DIVE DIVE DIVE!!, daydreaming, coffee+reading+music, camps, etc), which I now realise are very individual activities.

It's not that I can't do teamwork, it's not that I'm shy. But beyond the largest social context I'm in (i.e. school), my outside activities revolve around family+close friends.

That sounds scary to me sometimes. Like I've become anti-social.

But I'm still young, there's time to go out there and meet many people who will become close friends over time. My parents' best friends are those they met in university, although they do keep in touch with their Sec/JC friends. And then I remember 2005, I remember the hurt, the bitchiness, the fun loud but superficial relationships I had with people I now realise I barely knew, and I most definitely remember the 3 people who stood by me then and I believe still stand by me now. And I know with such certainty, that I will still choose to be just as I am.

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flashback 1985: eyes of the world.

nobody@vox.com(Andrea Tan Yehua) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:43:15 +0800

Omayra Sanchez

"She was in a large puddle, trapped from the waist down by concrete and other debris from the collapsed houses. She had been there for almost three days. Dawn was just breaking and the poor girl was in pain and very confused.

When I took the pictures I felt totally powerless in front of this little girl, who was facing death with courage and dignity. She could sense that her life was going.

I felt that the only thing I could do was to report properly on the courage and the suffering and the dignity of the little girl and hope that it would mobilise people to help the ones that had been rescued and had been saved." - Frank Fournier

Her eyes......I have not come across a more disturbing photograph since Kevin Carter's photograph

Tragedies come hand in hand with beauty. If you're like me and deeply disturbed, even haunted by this, simply because I find that beauty soothes the soul:

We must reinvent love

via weheartit

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je ne sais pas.

nobody@vox.com(Andrea Tan Yehua) — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 02:14:04 +0800

So what am I doing up at 1.30am? This despite having said I probably wouldn't be blogging much in the first place.

Pardon my oversight, some things just have to be expressed, or stay seething and bubbling inside me.

At the supposedly mature age of 18, I still fail to comprehend certain things. It never ceases to amaze me what humans are capable of - the heights of greatness and the depths of lowliness and despicableness. The absurdity of it all renders me speechless.

Just like how I will never comprehend people who choose to wallow in self pity and dark thoughts, or is that a form of vernacular amusement I am unaware of? Or people who are perpetually happy, even on the worst possible day? Maybe when we scrape past our own layers, someone different emerges. I imagine pretences are tiring to maintain, but why do we still indulge in them?

All these thoughts swirling around in my head at 1.30am will surely keep me from sleep. But as I study and read more case studies online (yes this is indeed related to my education), my amusement at the inadequacies of humanity builds. We study, tweak, build, develop, implement. We try and try and try to manage, to control, to harness what we have. But all we need is one earthquake, one tsunami, one drought, one cyclone to remind us there are greater powers at work, powers that are beyond our control.

Only when our world increasingly resembles dystopia, do we try to correct our errors. I cannot deny my overactive imagination, sometimes prone to dramatic inclinations. I imagine what would happen if the world at present continues to grow, I imagine people dying, deserts all around, natural disasters abound, while all we can do is to watch this destruction. Just like how I imagine my world in 50 years, or imagining myself dying tomorrow. The circularity of life can be a b****, but maybe that's just how it is. Nope not karma, but when the balance tilts, nature/God/some omniscient being will right that balance. Having this somewhat untenable point of view puts things in clear perspective though. The future evokes less trepidation, but more (maybe false) confidence to face it.

Humanity is endowed with sentience. Then why does it sometimes seem like precisely what we lack?

Consciously, I can't see reasons nor logic for this post and for these thoughts, perhaps it's buried deep within my subconscious, unattainable to me. Je ne sais pas.

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see you soon.

nobody@vox.com(Andrea Tan Yehua) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 00:44:11 +0800

ah, the urge to blog has really left me. i daresay not for good, but for a significant time at least.

as usual, worry's piling up for prelims, especially wrt math. i'm a believer in studying smart and not studying hard but math is one subject that i never seem to get. it is difficult for me to see what i'm supposed to find and be able to visualise the steps i have to do to reach that. argh.

lets just hope i get As for GP and Geog and min. respectable Bs for Bio and Chem.

Chem need practice though.

post grad to do list is ever expanding, but definitely high on my priorities:

1. get a job at a dream firm

2. learn to scuba dive + diving trips

3. recently i saw the world through someone else's lens that inspired me to want to pick up photography again. but in a different way. will explore that.

4. aussie road trip to visit D!

5. my driving license

till then,expect intermittent posts.

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18th.

nobody@vox.com(Andrea Tan Yehua) — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 16:02:54 +0800

Love my family!!

Can't wait to visit D in Australia next yr!

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Singapore 44th.

nobody@vox.com(Andrea Tan Yehua) — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 23:40:41 +0800

"But I think there's no escaping the Singaporean sensibility in my poetry as I write about the Singaporean point of view, about missing Singapore while away and seeking a Singapore obscured by cynicism, detachment or the passing of time...

We can crack jokes about Singlish or other idiosyncrasies, write odes to local fruit and indigenous shrubs, or sing about vanished landmarks that we grew up with. We can address the concept of home with frankness or subtlety, with cynicism or romanticism or by striking the right balance...

While we can ingest what foreigners have to say about Singapore, home-grown artists, film-makers, musicians and writers living here should not forget to constantly re-examine our surroundings for new inspirations...

The challenge is to ensure that we're not blinded by our sense of familiarity, so that we'll never stop looking at ourselves, our home and the seemingly ordinary things with curiosity and all the love that we dare to admit"

- Yong Shu Hoong, for The Straits Times.

Well said indeed. I share his last sentiments exactly.

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baby-faced assassin.

nobody@vox.com(Andrea Tan Yehua) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:31:40 +0800

I'm so screwed for chem lecture test tmr.

So this is tribute to Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Obviously this is a moniker, but it's only meant for that one person to understand anyway.

So I don't know if good ol' Solskjaer reads my blog (but I think so, cos I'm stalker worthy - HAHAH ok I'm so gonna get whacked when Solskjaer read this).

But yo Solskjaer, thanks for being there, through all the crap, the shit, the worry. Can't say that the journey wasn't without ups and downs, can't say it wasn't without regrets, can't say it wasn't without disappointments.

The only thing I can say is that I'm freaking honoured to know you, and honoured you trusted me enough to read your posts. When it mattered you were my best friend.

Have so much more to say to you, one day I'll sit down and write you a long long letter, and maybe cry a little in the process. But I'll also smile when I remember the magic we helped create, the dreams and feats we thought were unreachable

So good ol' Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, I salute you.

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