27 posts tagged “friends”

"Cat and mouse, cat and mouse. But which is the cat and which is the mouse?"

Oct 2, 2009
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I've watched one episode of Little Britain and I WILL NOT WATCH ANY MORE EPISODES!!!! I cannot be distracted!!! (like House and Promos) No no no, will not be distracted (I blame you XT!). I want to watch 500 Days of Summer, Inglourious Basterds and Notting Hill (Julia Roberts!) ): ):

Today, we watched Rope by Alfred Hitchcock adapted from a play by Patrick Hamilton. And I realise that all a good movie really needs is a good plot, good delivery, intellectual suspense, colourful language (not in the vulgar way), and a premise/social observation that compels thought. None of many green screen special effects, CGI, action packed, sexual, shallow movies that Hollywood churns out nowadays. Furthermore, the movie in itself was considered one pinnacle of cinematography. Rope is one of the more stimulating movies I've seen in a while without exaggerated flamboyance, where the entire movie takes place in one set/scene. But beyond that, the premise is definitely one that I will continue to mull over during the weekend - always a mark of a good movie. I definitely want to watch Strangers on a Train (since I've read the book!) and Vertigo. But Mr A.F. is pure brilliance, I'm just blown away by how intellectually stimulating and knowledgeable he is. Honestly, I've never come across any teacher who is as well-read as he is, and is able to translate that intelligence into his lessons for us students (Mr CC in RGS was more of a fluke during lessons). I'm left in awe.

Today: I saw my J3 eyecandy in school (YJ!), had good company and conversations, bought a pair of heels (yay!), did some Chemistry, convinced my brother to study math and had a good day in school. The weekend is looking up! :D

yoohoo.

Jul 21, 2009
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Holler! Today was awesome. I think the last time I felt this good was last year. Big difference what you can do with your head and how it affects you. I should feel horrid, but strangely I feel the exact opposite. Maybe because I'm just too used to it, or my mental will is way more powerful that I thought it was.

Now I feel ready to tackle prelims, well not in the prepared sense but mentally ready so let's go. Life always seems to come full circle, like how you lose stuff all the time but gain in another way. Sometimes, you only need to be more open to see what you've gained, if not I'll just wallow in what I've lost, things that I can never get back no matter how hard I try.

GERALDINE ONG. without you I would have positively died for NAPFA. like seriously thanks for pacing and pushing me even though I was dying in the hot hot hot sun. And for listening to me and understanding

CHLOE ANG. For always being there! And being so nice. And like the billion times your bought me drinks since last year which I owe you a bomb for. And for being so random yet nice. And haha if you read this don't feel bad for being snappy, I understand, never blamed you!

EILEEN LIM. For being a great mei mei. And listening to my rubbish. And making all of us laugh.

STUART QUEK. Aiyah for just being there to let me bully you haha. That's more than enough.

I think no matter what, it's a blessing. I want to be able to study overseas and have anything to hold me back, or consider. There's not much point right now, especially since I can't wait to travel and do new stuff and really just soak in new experiences. Yes I like stability but was never one to just sit around and be unoccupied. It's a personal goal to lead a fulfilling life, definitely with my family supporting me always. Number one priority is going to church next year, super super super excited. Have to say I draw strength and inspiration from people who are so dedicated to God, like Marvin, Naomi, Geri, Dora and even people like Gareth. God has been great, praying has purged me of unhealthy stuff that the devil tries to grow in me, so that alone is a triumph I should be happy about.

You know how they say that when children marry, their marriage usually mirrors how their parents were like (of course this is by no means 100% accurate)? But I really sure hope so, because I would be blessed to have my parents' relationship. And having dinners together everyday is definitely something I want. You know how the common perception is that Westerners don't value family as much etc? I think that's absolutely rubbish, my half-English cousin (who is like in some private prep school in the UK and is probably going to Oxford next year) is so close to his parents. They have breakfast and dinner together, and they do projects like paint the rooms together, which is doing so much more than most families here.

Oh had this discussion/ semi-debate with my mum today in the car on the way home about China/ urbanisation/ globalisation. Super exciting and funny, I realised I actually quite like learning Geog because it's just so applicable. Am extremely excited for my birthday though it's so near prelims. Can't wait for the dinner with family+aunt+cousins. Brilliant :D And my mum has hinted at my present, can't wait to see yipee! (:

Nocturnes: Five Stories of Music and Nightfall

Kazuo Ishiguro

And I'm reading! Kazuo Ishiguro's Nocturnes: Five Stories of Music and Nightfall (not this coverart). My dad bought a signed first edition in London, how awesome is that?

Okay so this is a mishmash summary of what's been going on, minus the bad stuff that should not be recorded and probably won't be remembered in 1 years time when I look back and laugh at what I did. But stress, better go do my stuffs.

P.s. I got a Razer (according to The Tech Twins, it's a gaming mouse so it's very very good) wireless mouse for my mac (finally after using the touchpad for 4 years!!). The best thing is that it's PINK, and it was on discount!

P.p.s. I won't reccomend Harry Potter - much better off reading the book alone. Random: Am I the only one who feels uncomfortable that Ginny is taller than Harry?? A sore disappointment that it wasn't good, there are much better shows coming out that I can't wait to watch (one at picturehouse caught my eye - Elynn/Xty interested?)

exciting much.

Jul 17, 2009
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Today was fun, but most importantly the company helped me forget stuff, things that I should not be thinking about.

We had lots of fun playing around with Tue's new (!) pro camera, especially during Bio while waiting for the DNA samples to run. I have to say I'm reconsidering medicine or bio in university. I actually quite like bio because it's soo interesting, and I find I am able to apply it so easily in life. Like reading about stem cells/ cloning arguments, learning about the H1N1 flu, learning and knowing how real life CSI works, and most importantly knowing some of the stuff they talk about on House. I know what V-fib is, why they inject epinephrine to the heart, what the defibrillator actually does, what sort of condition Guillain-Barre syndrome is etc. I sound like a total nerd but it is really tres tres exciting!! This is what makes learning fun.

Oh and Marvin smuggled the agar out of the lab in his pocket. We all had a good laugh over that. And thank you Chloe and Eileen for the tube of oreo+note to cheer me up. You guys rock my life. I love hanging out with my classmates because it's just so comfortable with them, and we talk about the most random and strange and funny things. It's hard to find that sort of comfort.

Need to get down to work soon, I don't feel like prelims are coming soon at all. Ah need to get back into the groove and really really put aside any other distractions.

If I can get over it once, I can get over it again, I know I'm strong enough. If it's meant to be, God will guide me, I just have to trust that he knows what's best for me. I just have to keep reminding myself that in the near future, I'll probably look back and laugh/shrug the whole thing off.

lightning strikes.

Jul 13, 2009
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There are some friends who hover in the background; never demanding, never imposing, but always there. The ones we see every day but the same ones we tend to take for granted.

It's only when others disappoint, when those whose friendship you thought was unshakeable starts crumbling; you start to ask: where did I go wrong? and turn towards people who support you.

So this is a thank you and a tribute to my classmates, whom I see everyday but don't thank enough: Naomi, Eileen, Chloe and especially Stuart and Geri. You might never see this but it's ok, because now I know how important you are.

Conversation with SQ -
SQ: "I still keep the quote you wrote for me"
Me: "Oh seriously?? I don't even remember when I wrote it" [reads the quote I wrote on post it]
Me: "Wow...[warm and fuzzy feeling]"

I feel extremely honoured. So I learn yet again, an insignificant act might be valued 100 times more to another.

It seems like this is a tipping point in all our lives. The path we take (by choice or otherwise) seems to boil down to these few months which, in perspective, is only a "moment" in our lifetime. At the grand age of 18, we're expected to know what we want to do, what we want to achieve. And even if we have an idea of where we want to go, we will never really know until we're deep in it if that's what we really want. The choices we have to make, the dilemmas, the disappointment when things don't go our way. I've been thinking a lot about after JC, and sometimes I wish I had 2 years of National Service to Singapore (not in military combat terms), because it would be a breather instead of rushing headlong into university. That said, I have a fairly good idea of where I want to go, the problem being able to actually reach for that goal realistically - a thought which gives me into mild panic attacks (ok, so I exaggerate a little)

Although keeping the big picture in mind is great, it seems apropos to me at this point to just focus on this "moment", because I think life is easier to deal with in bite-sized pieces.

After all.

Jul 6, 2009
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Ummm. Life is good, June holidays really gave me the time to think, reflect and slow down.

I only wished the times spent at Starbucks could be spent reading a good book instead of studying.

Missed math CT because I was on Leave Of Absence, chem CT was a killer, geog was difficult, and bio relatively painless. Pray I'll get Bs for everything because As seem slightly out of reach right now.

But anyway, post-CT has been good. Spent time with classmates, the gang and my family. We went to the pool today and Mum let us eat by the poolside - which was totally relaxing and fun.

Did I mention I panicked over the Mac? At its lowest, it read 552MB of space, and I went on a backup-and-delete spree. Oh well, it's been with me for 4 years now with no problems whatsoever. I remember when Patrick and I used to discuss Mac stuff when everyone was still using PC, before the Mac craze started (I like to think I was a pioneer haha). I'll be getting an upgrade next year though, so maybe I'll retire this trusty Powerbook to my sister.

Oh and I put up stuff on my wall. Will take a picture and post it up soon, extremely happy with it. My wall looks happier, and I got to reminisce about the brilliant times I had.

New additions to ITunes: Camera Obscura My Maudlin Career, Sondre Lerche Phantom Punch, Owl City Of June, David Cook Analog Heart

I quite like Sondre Lerche's new album. First heard of them during Mosaic last year.

Currently listening to - After All, Sondre Lerche

I like you too much
After too little time
I hold back my heart’s crazy rambling
The fear that I should overwhelm your smile
Frightens the spiders inside me

Oh this could be magic
After all, after all

You daren’t define which has happened to us
Well, I’ve had a name for it for some time
You try to find what it is that you feel
I long to tell you so truly

Oh this could be trouble
After all, after all

And I say is it a dream like it was back then
Is it a dream like it was back in the stars
Could I be so wrong? Could I be so wrong?

Chew every word to prevent what I know
From slipping right out of my fingers
Out of control, I don’t know where to go
‘Cause you were my map when I found you

Oh this could get lonely
After all, after all

And I say is it a dream like it was back then
Is it a dream like it was back in the stars
Could I be so wrong? Could I be so wrong?

No one can say all the things that they feel
Without the risk of a failure
So keep in my cards close to my heart
All of you I loved from a distance

Oh this should be magic
After all, after all

YConf, YCamp; Jan-Jun 2009.

Jun 21, 2009
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The past few days have been a whirlwind of activity, and I'm feel the strain. Body aches, my recurrent back strain, exhaustion, sunburns, but above all, rediscovered appreciation, respect and zest for life.

Yet, I feel recharged, refreshed, and a deep sense of peace. And I'm going to translate into my daily life. This year has been tough relationships wise, but I'm newly energised and am going to work on all of them to make them better.

This YCamp has to be one of my best experiences ever, and a large part is due to my connection with Lynette. Doubt she'll be reading this, but it was a great honour to be able to talk to her, to share with her and listening to her share with me. I truly enjoyed being able to gain so many new perspectives from her and the rest of the girls, to have my horizons widened. I am so impressed with their strength and courage despite all they've been through, and at the same time, I know they have so much potential within them to go far. I miss Lynette so so much, she was like another sister to me. I will forever remember her smile and cheeky face, and all the fun times we had getting wet when transferring Roszana from her wheelchair to the toilet bowl. Despite not going through YConfidence, she really gave 100% commitment to this camp, and gave all her energy to both Roszana and all the other beneficiaries in out group. She really made the whole experience so much more meaningful and memorable for me.

I really thank God for Lynette, for the grace and protection He has shown her, that she is able to be the big-hearted, strong and sensible person that she is despite all that she has gone through. I also thank God for the strength he gave me. Even when I was overcome with exhaustion, he enabled me to hype up, to up my energy level and summon my enthusiasm. His presence over me when I was at a loss of what to do was a reminder to me that the Lord does not abandon, and he is always protecting.

These memories are ones that I would treasure forever, and I pray that one day in the future, I will be able to meet the girls again. As for the beneficiaries, I'm quite sure I will see some of them again. See you in December!

exciting much?.

May 31, 2009
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My past few weeks have been a whirlwind: sewing clothes, studying for GP, trying to keep up with tutorials and assignments.

I really feel like I haven't had a break for a really long time, and lunch with XT on Thursday was unexpected, unplanned and a reprieve from all the mayhem. It's really amazing to have some down town with a friend you can say anything and not care, when you never have to worry about not knowing what to say. It was recharging.

I've got to be honest, Rproject was cool and all, but I can't say I've been enjoying myself. It's been alternating between worry and relief, worry and relief. I just can't wait for it to be over and I get to buckle down to study. Maybe it's because I'm not the kind of person to be involved in such a program. At the end of the day, I just want to come home, prop my feet up, drink coffee and relax.

I've learnt from the past few months. Of which, the most important thing I've learnt is that the people you let yourself get close to have the highest propensity to hurt you. And when it does, it hurts so badly and makes me so angry, to the extent that I can no longer care anymore. But it taught me that the people who we fail to realise are there for us are the people you should really really appreciate and treasure the most. Because these are the friends who ask the least and give you the most, and you should never ever ever take them for granted. By the time you lose them, it's too late.

If I decide to let go this time, I'm well and truly letting go. At risk of sounding callous, in just slightly over a year, we'll all be going our separate ways, overseas or otherwise. And if the friendship meant so little in the first place, I don't see how it can be sustained over long distance and long time period. It makes no difference if I let go now.

I always say that I'm glad I have friends who ground me, who really help define the person I am and am proud to be. I realise I always fail to recognise the one person who actually truly grounds me - my mother. Whether it's stress from school, or if I'm having an utterly girl moment with low self-esteem and lamenting about how no guys seem to like me, my mum is always there to hug, comfort, and talk to me. She puts things in perspective for me by saying "you're just 18, relationships aren't supposed to be a major focus, your generation is just growing up too fast lah." And that's what I have - a wholesome life. No my life isn't exciting, I don't have friends who are "cool and loud and hip and popular". I don't party, drink or club. I'm not loud, hyper and high. I don't have many relationships with guys, nor do I have many guys liking me. But what I have is dependable friends, quality time, and sincere friendships with guys, plus an awesome family. Wholesome.

At an age where so many relationships are transient, fleeting, I have an immense amount of stability in my life. I should remember to treasure it.

finals.

May 23, 2009
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Everything soccer related has ended - Season 2009, training.

It's the time where CCA winds down as J2s buckle down to study.

How do I even begin to express what I feel.

We lost our 3rd/4th placing match to MJC, was a terrible terrible match for me. Personally, I played horribly, I walked off the pitch not feeling like I managed to settle down properly. I'm proud of this team, for constantly pushing, for their relentless fighting throughout the match and for every match.

It amazes me how a group of girls with no soccer experience whatsoever can turn into such an amazing team. The only team that entered the semi-finals with no DSAs. A team capable of making EPL passes on our best days, a team that can play beautiful soccer (like Man U haha). So despite our loss, remember our roots. I have utmost faith in our juniors, and I know next year, they are capable of making the finals.

I'm not even sure how to get over my withdrawal symptoms, how I'm going to keep going with no trainings to look forward to, I keep dreaming of kicking the ball. I'll keep playing soccer, because it's fun to.

But really, it's the most fun when I play with my batch.

One thing that gives me contentment - I don't regret choosing to commit 100% to soccer.

Season

May 15, 2009
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I realised I kinda stopped posting about Season. Not sure why that happened, just couldn't find the motivation to blog.

Maybe I've become a huge nerd, but I half wish Season was over quicker so I could settle down and focus of my work. I'm not yet behind, but barely. Yet if I could, I would slow time so Season wouldn't end so soon.

Yesterdays semi-finals against VJC was horrible. We were punished horribly for all the errors we know we make, guess that's inevitable when you play a team like VJC that capitalises on every possible chance to attack and poke through our defense. But the scoreline was really horrific, we let our goal get to us, we forgot to maintain our shape, to communicate, so support-play. VJ's team this year is so much better than last year's, and as opponents, I'm honoured to have played against such a strong team. But it stinks to see history repeating itself all over again.

If I thought yesterday was bad enough, watching it today again during match analysis is worse. To see every excruciating moment that the ball rolled into the goal, and so many which we really could have prevented.

It's not much comfort to say "you played your best, that's all that matters", because the truth is I didn't play my best. I gave it my best, but played my hardest.

Not everyone will read this, but I still want to thank people, because I want to remember the kindness they have shown me:

To those who asked me "are you ok?" in school today, although I might not have been able to answer you, thank you for your concern. Especially to those who comforted me with smses or on msn, whether it was expected or unexpected, thank you for showing me that you care - I think that's the greatest comfort I got.

To my batch mates and the team, we are awesome. We may have our differences, and we're so diverse in so many different ways, but I couldn't have asked for a cooler batch. I think each of us individually contributed in so many ways to this CCA, extending into how we carry ourselves in our lives. We definitely brought the status of Girls' Soccer up by so much.

To Mr Leong and Mr Mann, thank you for being our pillar, our mentors, our coach and our comedians. Your faith in us is deeply treasured.

To my family, I can't say how grateful and incredibly lucky I am to have this family. I will forever replay the moment where I walked off the pitch to the sidelines with my head hanging, to hear my name being called and to look up to see Mummy in front of me. My heart lifted, and when I looked behind and saw my siblings, it lifted even more. I never expected them to really come, but their presence speak more to me than words ever will.

Above all, thank you God, for not abandoning me, for giving me the strength, and for allowing me to find another sister in Christ in Dora. For your protection and care throughout.

So you see, all the frustration, the "could-have-beens", the mistakes, the irritation I feel will all be channelled to the last match against MJC. For all the people I've thanked above, I will play hard for them.

So no, I'm not ashamed. The better team won and they deserved to win.

Like what BG said: "Success isn't forever, and neither is failure. Trophies will fade away in the end but the friendships will stay"

life is like interval training.

Apr 13, 2009
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It's feels like so long since I've last blogged, mostly because I have all these thoughts swirling around in my head.

I think life is really all about the choices you make. True, there are things that are beyond our control, beyond our understanding, and all we can do is to grasp what little semblance of control we have, or at least, we think we do.

This year, I've opened up a lot more, to different people. But I know, I'm still holding back. It's still only with those few where I'm completely at ease, where I have never questioned the friendship, where I feel secure. I think it's because they have never deviated from their true self, their values and behaviour have never been influenced by peer pressure, and they ground me. Security is what so many people aim for, no? I rather like simplicity.

CTs so far have been nice to me. It's a new sensation, having people congratulate me. I don't recall getting so many As since PSLE. I'm proud of the improvements I've made, but it's not the final stretch; I still need to pace myself and not get carried away. Most of all, I know the amount of (constant) effort I need to put in to achieve my current results, and I still need to put in even more for the final exams.

So season starts in 2 days, it'll be a fight to the end.

Life isn't a marathon. Life is like a never-ending interval training. You sprint, jog and recover, and sprint again.
We all just need to learn how to sprint with more stamina and recover faster with more efficiency.

Yet Kai Tom: Congrats, I'm happy for you (: