24 posts tagged “life”

ah, the urge to blog has really left me. i daresay not for good, but for a significant time at least.

There are some friends who hover in the background; never demanding, never imposing, but always there. The ones we see every day but the same ones we tend to take for granted.

It's only when others disappoint, when those whose friendship you thought was unshakeable starts crumbling; you start to ask: where did I go wrong? and turn towards people who support you.

So this is a thank you and a tribute to my classmates, whom I see everyday but don't thank enough: Naomi, Eileen, Chloe and especially Stuart and Geri. You might never see this but it's ok, because now I know how important you are.

Conversation with SQ -
SQ: "I still keep the quote you wrote for me"
Me: "Oh seriously?? I don't even remember when I wrote it" [reads the quote I wrote on post it]
Me: "Wow...[warm and fuzzy feeling]"

I feel extremely honoured. So I learn yet again, an insignificant act might be valued 100 times more to another.

It seems like this is a tipping point in all our lives. The path we take (by choice or otherwise) seems to boil down to these few months which, in perspective, is only a "moment" in our lifetime. At the grand age of 18, we're expected to know what we want to do, what we want to achieve. And even if we have an idea of where we want to go, we will never really know until we're deep in it if that's what we really want. The choices we have to make, the dilemmas, the disappointment when things don't go our way. I've been thinking a lot about after JC, and sometimes I wish I had 2 years of National Service to Singapore (not in military combat terms), because it would be a breather instead of rushing headlong into university. That said, I have a fairly good idea of where I want to go, the problem being able to actually reach for that goal realistically - a thought which gives me into mild panic attacks (ok, so I exaggerate a little)

Although keeping the big picture in mind is great, it seems apropos to me at this point to just focus on this "moment", because I think life is easier to deal with in bite-sized pieces.

Randoms thoughts:

The past few days have been a whirlwind of activity, and I'm feel the strain. Body aches, my recurrent back strain, exhaustion, sunburns, but above all, rediscovered appreciation, respect and zest for life.

I'm breaking my blogging dry spell because I can't take it anymore, I can't keep everything pent up inside, swirling around in my head.

I can't post because vox is having problems (again) and I can't type anything at andyy.vox.com, which is extremely frustrating. So I've created a temporary new livejournal acct.

I doubt anyone I know will find this or read this. But I've never blogged for people anyway, blogging is literally my personal diary.
It scares me sometimes how dependent I've become on blogging for emotional releases, but I guess it's a much healthier way than binge eating or emotional shopping or any of the many sins and onverindulgences humans are terribly prone to.

Right now, I'm feeling many things - of which fear and sadness is the strongest.
In about 9 hours, my entire family will be leaving for China, and I will be left alone at home for 5 days. I'm scared, because really who likes to be left alone at home? I've always been independent, but the thought of being alone in an empty house, deviod of the hustle and bustle of family life, of literally having no one around scares me. In fact, it downright freaks me out.

My mum told told me I have to get used to it anyway, if I'm going to study overseas. But you know, it's different. Yes I will miss my family, but everything will be unfamiliar and I'll have to get used to it - that's not scary. What is scary is being in the only place that gives you comfort, but having the people who make the place warmth and comfortable gone. It's like something is missing, like a person without soul or a book without words. This feeling really stinks. I feel like I'm about to lose my comfort blanket. Shows how important my family is to me.

Dear Lord,
Please please grant my family safety on their trip to China, right from the moment they board the plane to when they reach the gate upon their return. I pray for your everlasting protection and guidance in the things they do, and that as they enjoy themselves, they will be kept safe and return home safely, happy and healthy. I commit my family into your hands, in Jesus' heavenly name I pray, Amen.

Rproject is finally over. Great jobs to the models, designers and organisers. But no, my biggest thanks goes to the crew, dressers and makeup artists. Who took all kinds of shit like hearing models whine about their makeup/hair, buying toilet paper and stockings, fixing up lights chairs and curtains, packing cleaning and moving. All without a single word of complaint, and still manage to play and have fun. I guess I'm like that, I prefer to be out of the spotlight and the glamour, no good show can run without good backup and they deserve to be applauded. 

Rproject is finally over. Great jobs to the models, designers and organisers. But no, my biggest thanks goes to the crew, dressers and makeup artists. Who took all kinds of shit like hearing models whine about their makeup/hair, buying toilet paper and stockings, fixing up lights chairs and curtains, packing cleaning and moving. All without a single word of complaint, and still manage to play and have fun. I guess I'm like that, I prefer to be out of the spotlight and the glamour, no good show can run without good backup and they deserve to be applauded. 

My past few weeks have been a whirlwind: sewing clothes, studying for GP, trying to keep up with tutorials and assignments.

I'm so going to spam OTH after A Levels (better start my to do list).

"Have you ever looked a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone’s life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it" - One Tree Hill

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